Looking at cars from A plane reminds me of being A kid. There was always an ant hill somewhere in the garden; and then one day, I found a box of matches. My sister shouted at me, asking me what they had done to me. “Look, now they’re fire ants!” I shouted back. Makes me wonder, would the ants do the same to me if they could?
I never asked to be the best- I just am. Dad made sure of it, damn well made sure of it once mum had left with sis. “Doesn’t matter what you do” he would say “be the best at it”. Don’t explain why he signed me up for kickboxing. Never able to look at someones foot the same way again. I guess in some terrible way of getting beat in the ring, the beatings he would then give me, and watching him dish out the beatings on others, was him trying to toughen me up for the real world; make me into all of the things he wasn’t, and redeem himself in the meantime. Guess it worked, because after a while, I never wanted to win so bad. Looking back compared to now, it wasn’t as bad as it sounds.
Never got the best grades though. His idea was that maths would only ever help you when you’re counting the seconds you’ve got your arm wrapped around his neck. No job, and certainly no friends (I had a tendency for hurting those who got near me) I enlisted in “serving our great country”. I’d call it the hardest few years of my life, if I hadn’t been spending my earlier teens being kneed and elbowed in the head at the club, and then given a good few more at home. It was really just like A school, for those who didn’t pay much attention in class the first time round. Kept my head low, got on with my work, just like i’d been doing the whole of my life. The physical becomes a routine, just like anything else, you get used to it. It was the abbreviations, worded alphabet and all that stuff that was difficult. The one that did stick in, was KIA- Heard that followed by enough poor soul’s name to last A lifetime. Then like cow to the slaughter, they shipped me of to fight in a country id never set foot in before.
Few months there and they paired me up with this bloke called Andy. Never knew the guy up until then. Heard him and his mates at there table in the mess hall- this pilot, Ted Hughes, and real hardcore Veteran, John.J, who later suffered from PTSD, and ended up killing these guys when he was looking for A place to eat, but that was about it. Real patriotic guy, Andy was. Believed he was doing himself, his family, his country and every bloody sod under the sun A ‘great duty’. The start of the best spotter and sniper friendship you will ever hear, is the day he asked me “AC/DC or Hendrix”. “No ones tied down this Rollin’ Stone yet, And” I said. ‘Eagles’ the other units called us. Fitting name, considering we both loved the band. There’d be times when And would wake me up in the night just to tell me ” ‘I Dreamed There Was No War’ ” or when he got a letter from his girl back home i’d say, “Well she sounds like A ‘Witchy Woman’.
This one time, our squadron was tracking through the jungle. It’d just finished pissing down and me and Andy were at the back, secretly playing air guitar on our rifles, as you do. Heard it before I saw it, this load bang and a puff of black smoke coming out the ground. All those excirsises come into play, its that time to prove to yourself and the rest that your sorry arse is worth anything; grabbed Andy by his helmet and pushed him down into the mud, me falling with him. “How the fuck didn’t spot that one, And.” Look at me; some guy’s legs have just been blown off and i’m cracking jokes. Guess i’d been in situations like this too many times to take it seriously anymore. I was already looking through my scope, tearing off heads. No-one wants to be there, not even the rebels. One or two collapsing, crying and wishing they were someplace else, anywhere but there. Id be lying if I told you, I didn’t love every second. Not because im some pyshco. But because conflict is the most basic thing I know. The more you hit, and the less you get hit, gets the win. Eleviating those poor basterds from their hell on earth was acctually the kindest thing that could’ve been done. Them falling down, the smoke from their guns almost resembling their souls escaping. I’d rehearsed these kills in my sleep. Im no saint, I’ve just got the balls to say it. Few minutes before we all heard “fall back!” That feeling, when you know you could’ve won, but someone had rung the bell too early, reminded me all too much of kickboxing as A kid. Gave Andy A tap and said ” ‘Life In The Fast Lane’ “. To this day, I know he knew that reference, and I got up from the mud and ran. Got quite A bit before I realised And wasn’t behind me. This lanky guy, who weren’t too bad at ping pong back at base, was pulling out guys who couldn’t make it out themselves, bringing them back to the coastline. From the looks and sounds of things, he was looking for A guy called ‘Bubba’, I think I heard him call out. Heard he got the medal of honer later.
I found Andy after I went back in. He was still in the mud looking through his binoculars. I called his name. He didn’t answer. I heard some of the other tommies shouting “Eagles!” They were looking for us. “And.” I said A bit louder. I turned him over. His face was full of blood and shrapnel. I’d had no issue with seeing gore. I was A sniper. I’d seen heads explode before. But this one bothered me. I picked Andy up, and walked back to the coastline where we were getting an evac. Nothing has changed since I began. I should’ve just kept things like this.
Recent Comments